(Warning: I have never read any of The Worst Witch books. Everything I claim about them comes from a two-hour dive across wikis, fan communities, and Goodreads reviews after watching last night. Please excuse any inaccuracies.)
I shan't categorically claim a book so simple and episodic as The Worst Witch has natural difficulties making the jump from page to screen - to my understanding, both later TV series based on the series have found greater success, which indicates Jill Murphy's tale of Mildred Hubble struggling through her first term at Miss Cackle's Academy for Young Witches has greater potential for live-action translation. It is probably more accurate to claim a mixture of hewing so closely to the structure of a book with perhaps half-a-dozen major incidents and bringing the same to life on a fairly low budget does nobody any favors. 1986's The Worst Witch has to fill a scant seventy minutes (less counting opening and closing credits) with an even scanter handful of notable events, and call it a day. You can handily do this in the pages of a book with barely 100 pages, large-print, and multiple full-page illustrations aimed for the sensibilities of first or second graders. Imagination and empathy for the main character takes over quickly to fill in any gaps, and a "and then this happened, and then this, and then this, and then that," structure fits either the child who only reads one chapter at a time or the child who tears through the whole book in a single sitting. A low-stakes, high-fun spin through the life of a girl who can't do anything right in a fantastical setting is a great idea for a young reader's book.
For a film... well, you can see the director and crew straining for ways to make it all work. Some choices meet their mark by inventing clever little new incidents to serve as glue between the major incidents, such as the game of Terror Tag or a brief bit of comedy with the Headmistress' (I assume) Chicago-dwelling niece. Nice, kid-friendly expansions on what you'd expect from the setting and story, as are the moments of conversation between the children during lull-periods. At other, more crucial turns, though, the film opts to take major incidents like Mildred accidentally turning her rival into a pig, and draws them out with guff-laden dialogue for quite a long while, longer than I could imagine myself standing at an age more appropriate for relating to this story. Elsewhere, attempts to appeal to an older audience fall completely flat, whether they be the multiple segments showing the evil witches plotting their dastardly scheme to little more effect than their sudden appearance towards the book's end, or recasting the stuffy, elderly Chief Magician as a vamping Tim Curry, whom literally every other member of the cast is in love with for some reason. Anything with these two threads is padding of the highest order - and speaking of their padding...
At least one of the songs is tolerable. I think it's more a problem with delivery on Growing Up Isn't Easy and Agatha's Song, as the singers are pretty shrill and off-pitch, and I could see myself going with their bouncy rhythm if they featured a better performer. They still irritate the ears a touch, unfortunately. As to Tim Curry, his song features some awful non-sequitur lines even for something aiming at silly, very basic rhymes, an awkward halting rhythm backed by badly tuned synths, and Tim Curry wavering back and forth with no indication he knows what he's doing. And it is probably the best part of the special thanks to how hard Tim Curry goes for it on the vocals, coupled with Craig Price's off-the-wall editing and effects. If there were an award for Most Editing, Price deserves it for his work on Anything Can Happen On Halloween every year all years. It's a neck and neck battle between Tim Curry and Charlotte Rae for whose musical number is the most transparent time waster, but much as I love Tim Curry's and have the entire thing imprinted on my brain after discovering it on YouTube years ago, I have to hand him the title. His goes on way longer and completely warps the film's tone to cram itself in there.
Much as decisions to expand the story with wheel-spinning and weird underaged Tim Curry-crushes and long musical numbers harm The Worst Witch's potential, I think the biggest problem introduced in bringing it from page to screen involves the tone of how Mildred is treated. Watching this without the implicit understanding that as a young reader invited to think of myself in Mildred's place thanks to the degree of non-specificity the written word affords, working through all the times when Mildred is called out, teased, put upon, straight-up bullied, and badgered by her fellow students and teachers alike for what look like terribly minor infractions just makes one feel bad. The adults in her life engage in the exact same name-calling and positive punishment as the other children, to the point where the one adult in the school who's supposed to be on her side, the headmistress, out and out calls her the worst witch to her face multiple times. It's a miserable thing to see, compounded by hints that this magical society otherwise operates on "Do things how you please just so long as you're witchy about it!" I GET Mildred being punished for messing up a potion, but let her ride her broom and carry her kitten however she damn well pleases, you monsters. Carrying a cat in a satchel is just as witchy as having it sit on the tail. With how pointed and direct these baseless attacks on her person play, and how little the excessive lengthening and padding blunt the effect, the story still feels more joyless than I suspect it should, even for one about a little girl who feels like she can't do anything right. I more want to hug Mildred and tell her it'll be OK than watch her continue on through this battery.
So, important thing to note again as we finish up: While I can't sit down and point to my own experiences with Murphy's books as a means of illustrating my points, I am somewhat inclined to treat the series with a softer hand. This film reportedly disappointed Murphy on release, and while I could handily join thousands of others in digging through the Harry Potter similarities, I also understand how, with eyes clear from the nostalgia in my own, the first film in that franchise suffers from much the same issues as I identify here, just with a stronger throughline and a FAR higher budget. If I can apply "this thing works far better on ink and paper, where a child reader can engage in self-protagonist-replacement easier" in a film I identify as a childhood favorite, I can say this weaker effort shouldn't cast any bad light on its source material. Besides, in much the same way I adore Sorcerer's Stone in spite of the problems, I know there's plenty people who love this special for the same reason I love the first filmic entry in MY magical school series - they saw it as kids, have strong memories associated with its iconography, and no real reason to be bothered by the padding or strange means of depicting conflict as a result. I wouldn't want them to besmirch my love for the film, so I won't besmirch anyone else's here. There's issues issues aplenty, but I can understand why others like it, and don't think it much right to call this bad beyond its failure to engage me as an adult.
Besides. Just... lookit this. It's incredible.
3/5
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